Havin' a Hell of a Time...

But, not necessarily in the "this is such a great vacation...we're having a hell of a time," manner.
This is my first summer to basically be kidless. The 19-year-old is establising her own life, living in Colorado. She works. She's going to school full-time and maintaining excellent grades. She's got friends. She climbs mountains on her days off. The 17-year-old is off working far, far away for the summer- for OMSI as a camp counselor in Fossil and throughout the eastern parts of Oregon.

I'm proud of them both. For the first week, it was novel. For all of the other moms out there, I'm sure you'll understand what I mean when I say it's pretty nice to know you can just cook an Eggo Waffle for dinner and call it good. You'll know what I mean when I say that there are no clothes lying about...nor dirty dishes...nor ringing cell phones...nor new dents in our cars...

But, right now, I'm missing all of those things. Seriously, at this very minute, I wish my son was walking in the door, dropping his shoes and sweatshirt right in the entryway. I wish my daughter were coming in late, past curfew, as that's her schtick (is that how it's spelled?). I actually miss the arguments at 12:13 a.m. I'd even like to wake up in the morning and find a new ding on the driver's side door of my Accord...and have to wonder, "What now?"

I love my husband dearly. However, I'm picking on him pretty constantly...about everything! I know it's because I have a longing that cannot be met through quiet, peaceful dinners nor red-hot romantic sex in the living room. (You actually get to DO those things when there are no kids around!!!) He's older and much more settled than me at this time of life. I'm having a massive period right this minute that serves absolutely no purpose...and that really pisses me off! My face breaks out. My hair is a little flat. My boobs absolutely sag and seem somehow deflated. My heels are dry and cracking.

And, my house is messier than it ever was with children about.

Yep...having a hell of a time.
(Coincidentally, while searching for an "empty nest" photo, I found this blog...


A Perplexion...is that a word?

I want to truly find a way to maintain the lifestyle I live when school is out for summer. Low, low stress, time to complete jobs that have meaning for me, and the luxury of occasionally napping. When school begins, my life, as I know it to truly be, ends. For 24 years I've dreaded the end of August...knowing it was coming. Knowing that everything that is about "me" pretty much comes to an end. This is especially true with this upcoming year, as I'll be back teaching in the classroom. For the past 2 years I've been fortunate to "escape" that realm and spend some time really developing professionally as an ESL teacher and Literacy Coach. There were times during the school day where I could actually get things done; truly completed! That never happens when you are a classroom teacher. It's continuous movement and needs.

I also know that my anxiety level increases so drastically that I sort of lose it for a bit in early September. My family has adjusted to this routine. I am blessed for them!