4/29/2007

Keepin' on Track...

My mother called this morning. We've had a very limited relationship since last August, basically so that I can maintain my personal sanity. I've felt a little bad about the decision I made to preserve myself...I used to call her 2-3 times each week, checking in and making sure she was OK. I used to pay many of her bills. I used to entertain her and include her in just about all events. Then, she was really, really mean to me...so mean that I ended up in a heap on my friend, Donna's, floor. Lots of work and lots of crying and a bit of counseling...and, now, well, I think about calling her every 3 weeks...and am very cautious when we talk. I know how to end a conversation carefully, but quickly and efficiently.



This morning she called, quite upset and very depressed. Things aren't going well in her life. I'm focused on listening, but not reacting. I had moment of urge to drive up to see her today, but, I reminded myself that I really want to work in the gardens today...and spend time in my own home, since it feels like I don't get to be here often. But, her situation is bad...but, there really is nothing I can do about it...I must remind myself of that fact. I can only wish her well and give a little advice (like for her to read "Care of the Soul," by Thomas Moore).



So, I'm here, letting it out...sort of telling others about it...and maintaining...technologically. Sort of weird, but it works, right?



I love my friends and I know they'll understand. Thanks, guys...

2 comments:

Vita said...

I know people that completly never ever talk to their mothers, and your garden requires dedication to grow it like you do. I was so lucky to have my wonderful mother.

The Carnivorous Hippy said...

Blogging is really a kind of therapy. You get out what you need to get off your chest, and in theory, it's to an annoymous impartial audience. There are a few of us who know who you are, so you may hold you back a bit... fear not, we love you for who you are.
I haven't seen (or talked to) my own father since I was 14 years old. That was a good, healthy decision. Thankfully, my mom and I are tight and understand that we have a limited amount of time to be around each other before we need a break...3 days!
I really enjoyed working in my yard yesterday. Yard work has never been a joy for me, so yesterday was something new...maybe you're rubbing off a little? Play in your garden-guilt free.
~ch