9/03/2007

New Garage Door Windows Are On The Way!!!

In my life, this drug is a miracle.

Everytime I think I can "live" without it, CRASH!


Amitriptyline Tablet (Tab 50 mg)Mylan Pharmaceuticals Inc


I would rank today as one of the WORST days of my entire life.

I know this is weird to put this on a blog, but, oh well.

I've taken my drugs and my mind is clearing.



It started about a week ago. I went to pick up my prescriptions (yes, I take several to control a wide range of issues...ALL related to brain function!) and one prescription required the pharmacy to call my doctor for an update. The pharmacist knows me well and said, "Well, do you have a few to carry you over until I get the call? When they call, I'll contact you."

I said, "Yes," which is true. However, I only had 2 pills left.

They never called.


Which is where the CRASH begins...


Add into the scenerio these factors:


1. My 2 beautiful kids were gone for 9 days with their dad on vacation in Colorado.


2. I moved into my new job/office in a new school with a new staff and a new principal. 1/2 of my job currently has no real clear job description.


3. I had meetings this week that literally made my head spin.


4. My mother was here yesterday and spent the night. The intent was to give the kids time to be with her and to head out in the boat on the lake. If you know anything about my relationship with my mother, well, you won't even need to read-on. She left this morning without even saying good-bye. We didn't go out on the boat.


5. I never got the call from the pharmacy...and never remembered the issue until bedtime, when I take my meds.


6. Due to no meds, well, insomnia resurfaced its evil head. My insomnia isn't about just lying in bed awake. My insomnia involves completely having panic attacks, rising heart rate, and anxiety. That means, while I struggle to fall asleep, every single issue in my life surfaces and requires my immediate attention. Of course, my brain wiring is off-kilter, so the issues are unreasonable and only 1/10 of the problem.


7. My husband has a tendency to be an asshole and to ask me lots of stupid questions while I'm freakin'. Yeah, it's true, most husbands, even though they are cool on the outside, can be really jerks deep-down.




The results?


Well, see for yourself...




Yep, that's right. One thing I DID have control over today was my throwing arm. I picked up a rubber boot sitting near the front door, after having a complete meltdown in my driveway and threw it right at a garage window. It felt so good that I picked up the 2nd boot and did the same thing.


Research has shown that the urge to throw, punch, or smash things does NOT relieve anxiety or anger. One doctor told me, after I once broke out the back window of our big Ford Bronco, that there is no conclusive evidence which demonstrates that such actions bring about relief nor calm. I agree. But, I still throw things. You know how we tell kids, "If you get real angry, punch a pillow,"? Well, think about it. NO kid feels better when they try this. It solves nothing.


My ex-husband used to taunt me when I was melting down. He quit doing that the day I threw my favorite Nelson-McCoy "pink and blue" sugar bowl at him from across the house. I'll admit, I have a good arm. It hit his knee and drew blood. Regardless of what research says, he did quit taunting me...


Lesson learned? Well, thank goodness the pharmacy was open today, even though it was a holiday. Thank goodness my pharmacist is a friend of mine. Thank goodness I recognized the glitch and went to get meds before taking out my hubby's truck's front window. The garage windows are cheap. A windshield? ...Thanks so much for "listening" and trying, for just a minute, to understand depression, anxiety, and insomnia. My mom is the same way. She takes the same meds. My daughter is appearing to have some of the same anxiety issues...


Ahhhh...genetics.

1 comment:

Skittles said...

I've had the same problem with the pharmacy needing to talk to the doctor, not hearing back etc. It SUCKS!

Now, I know the pain you were feeling, but I had to smile at the broken window as it reminded me of SO many things I've thrown and/or broken. I don't care what the "experts" say.. it DOES make you feel better for a short time.

The way I see it? At least you didn't turn it inward and hurt yourself. For that I applaud you.

Grrrr to your mom.