Hi, Mom! Can I ....?

Last night's scenario:
Daughter hates mother.
Daughter thinks mother is insane.
Daughter mocks mother.
Daughter tells mother that she is completely crazy and that she'll "Call the Cops" if mother touches her.
Cell phone rings and mother picks it up to turn it off.
Daughter says, "Don't touch my phone. You don't pay for it."
Mother says, as she takes the bread from Daughter's hand, "Don't eat that! You didn't pay for it."

Tonight's phone conversation:
Daughter: Hi, Mom. Is it OK if I go out for my birthday?
Mom: Whatever works for you, Honey.
Daughter: What does that mean?
Mom: It means whatever you want it to mean.
Daughter: So, can I stay out past midnight?
Mom: Why are you asking me? You snuck out from 1:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m. the other night. Why would you ask my permission for anything?
Daughter: Because I want to know if it's OK to stay out until 2.
Mom: What am I supposed to say?
Daughter: You're supposed to tell me whether or not I can stay out until 2 a.m.
Mom: You came in at 4 a.m. the other morning. Why are you asking me this tonight?
Daughter: Because I always ask permission before I go out.

Mom: Do whatever works best for you, Honey.
Phones disconnect. Mom looks around the area for either an ugly, stupid dog to kick or for a chocolate eclair to gulp down. Opts for having Handsome Husband lock all of the exterior doors and windows. Wants to know what Beautiful Daughter will do when she comes home to a dark, completely sealed up house...that her mom and dad PAY FOR!
Handsome Husband points out a potential problem. Shit! He says, "What about Silly Son? You'll have to tell him that he cannot open any doors or windows for Beautiful Daughter."
Mom says, "We'll just make sure he has a nice, loud fan running in his room so he won't hear Beautiful Daughter when she comes calling at, oh, say, 3 a.m."
Handsome Husband and I BOTH know it won't work, but the plan seems fun and makes us feel in control for a minute or two. At this point, a minute or two is pretty, darned good.


Vita said...

Hey! How are your FEET?

missburrows said...

You should put all her stuff on the front lawn! Oh wait, like the house, it belongs to you!

(Sorry you are going through this.)

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