Daughter hates mother.
Daughter thinks mother is insane.
Daughter mocks mother.
Daughter tells mother that she is completely crazy and that she'll "Call the Cops" if mother touches her.
Cell phone rings and mother picks it up to turn it off.
Daughter says, "Don't touch my phone. You don't pay for it."
Mother says, as she takes the bread from Daughter's hand, "Don't eat that! You didn't pay for it."
Tonight's phone conversation:
Daughter: Hi, Mom. Is it OK if I go out for my birthday?
Mom: Whatever works for you, Honey.
Daughter: What does that mean?
Mom: It means whatever you want it to mean.
Daughter: So, can I stay out past midnight?
Mom: Why are you asking me? You snuck out from 1:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m. the other night. Why would you ask my permission for anything?
Daughter: Because I want to know if it's OK to stay out until 2.
Mom: What am I supposed to say?
Daughter: You're supposed to tell me whether or not I can stay out until 2 a.m.
Mom: You came in at 4 a.m. the other morning. Why are you asking me this tonight?
Daughter: Because I always ask permission before I go out.
Mom: Do whatever works best for you, Honey.
Phones disconnect. Mom looks around the area for either an ugly, stupid dog to kick or for a chocolate eclair to gulp down. Opts for having Handsome Husband lock all of the exterior doors and windows. Wants to know what Beautiful Daughter will do when she comes home to a dark, completely sealed up house...that her mom and dad PAY FOR!
Handsome Husband points out a potential problem. Shit! He says, "What about Silly Son? You'll have to tell him that he cannot open any doors or windows for Beautiful Daughter."
Mom says, "We'll just make sure he has a nice, loud fan running in his room so he won't hear Beautiful Daughter when she comes calling at, oh, say, 3 a.m."
Handsome Husband and I BOTH know it won't work, but the plan seems fun and makes us feel in control for a minute or two. At this point, a minute or two is pretty, darned good.
Cop 1: Well, Officer Jim. Looks like we have another coping mom in the area.
Cop 2: I think we should avoid her for a few days, Bob.
Cop 1: Good coping strategy, Jim.
Cop 2: Let's go out for a martini after work.
Silly Son and Beautiful Daughter are back at the house for the week.
Immediately, my level of anxiety goes whack-o. I prepare myself for their return, saying a common mantra, "Oh, Lord of Nature, God of Calm, High Priestess of Conflict-Avoidance, give me peace!
The goal this week? Conflict avoidance.
The interior goal (the one in my brain cavity)? Calm.
The coping strategy? Nature.
However, Handsome Husband's first words to me this morning threw all of my goals out for a bit.
"Hey, when I got up this morning, the kids left all of the exterior doors open, there are eating utensils and bowls all over the living room and in the guest room, and the dogs were outside all night. I also don't think your daughter is in her bedroom. Maybe she was out all night."
Ack! My stomach began to roil
Biff! My eyes welled up.
Zing! I said, "This week's goals include conflict-avoidance, calm, and nature."
I repeated the mantra, over and over, but it didn't work very well. So, I stood up and said, "We have no power. We are but mere puppets on their stage. We cannot teach them anything at this point. We must duck and spin around in order to avoid the shit they will fling at us. Let's start right now. Repeat after me; 'conflict-avoidance-calm-nature, conflict-avoidance-calm-nature.'"
Hey! It kind of worked! Handsome Husband looked at me with fire in his eyes, then he grabbed his stuff and headed out for his truck. I returned to making my list of things-to-get-done-today, including several columns of overwhelming to-dos. For a brief and magical moment, life was very, very good.
I poured myself another cup of coffee and watched the variety of bird species fighting over seeds and nuts at the bird-feeding station right outside the big, bay, kitchen window.
Oh My God!
Birds have conflict!
When they land on the flat feeder, they jet their eyes and heads from side-to-side, looking for Rocket the Cat to suddenly spring at them! They look down just long enough to spy one pumpkin seed to grab, but they don't grab it. Instead, they squawk and screech, trying to lure out the dreaded hunter. Then, just as they feel comfort in dipping their beaks toward a morsel, BAM! Out of nowhere comes an awful, loud, and aggressive Scrub Jay! The jays are like my kids. I am like the stupid scared, nervous bird. Like me, the bird jumps away from the feeder, only to feel REALLY PISSED OFF that breakfast is not to be had. However, getting mad or feeling sad does no good. Now, the little weak bird is hungry, without food, and has wasted huge amounts of energy avoiding conflict with the cat...and is super-depressed and angry at the Scrub Jay...who doesn't give a care...so the little bird loses!
Now my goals for the week are completely blown! If my idea of having the Lord of Nature intervene on my part was to be effective, I would have to see that nature, itself, does not have conflict!
Now, about those other gods; God of Calm and High-Priestess of Conflict-Avoidance can come through for me, this will be a good week. I think I'll do these things in order to create the needed success:
1. Follow my list of things to accomplish to a "t."
2. Smile all day long.
3. Say, "Whatever suits your fancy," each time a teenager asks me a question.
4. Make use of the martini shaker at 6:00 each evening.
5. Go pull a weed from the ground, lay it on the roadway, and burn it with my super-cool, flame-thrower, Dragon Weeder contraption (the one with a 5-gallon propane tank attached) whenever I feel I am not in control. By burning a weed, I'll fulfill my goal of avoiding conflict. The weed can't scream or argue. It just simply will fry up, turn black, and float off with the wind. Then, the feeling of wasting my breath on arguing comes up, I'll be all calm and satisfied.
So, here's one of my latest hides. Check it out! http://www.geocaching.com/seek/cache_details.aspx?guid=7a61c345-05cf-48fc-a318-3b1f23584b50
This is a really good way to trash a really nice bike! Thunk-a-think-a-thunk-a...
Oooo, this threat really kept me from even THINKING of taking it! Quick rehydration made the day better!
End of a loooooooonnnngggg day! Headed over to American Dream for cold drinks and good pizza!
Ummm...it was good...
Our hubbies even joined us at this point, making the day even better! We love them a lot!
BAM! It's back! CH and I rode our bikes to a cache the other day that really had us stumped. We looked like complete fools, up to no good, as we crawled, pondered, lifted, snooped at the little weird triangle park across from the North Co-op Store. We may have given up the hunt, had it not been the phone coversation with another fellow cacher who'd found this one! He gave just the right clues and within 30 minutes, we found it! Granted, that was 30 minutes after already searching for, oh, 30 minutes.
Check out this video. I was just in the midst of cleaning house, doing some laundry, and listening to "This American Life" on NPR when I just Googled "make a difference." Look what I found...
I feel goooooooooodddddd tonight. I was playing beach-ball Kill-Ball with the kids in the driveway. Malory, Collin, and Albin are much younger and quicker than me. I quit. Then, we talked about weekend plans. Woo-hoo...I'm trying to convince my friends, MCS and CH to go with us to the Crystal Ballroom to participate in a wild night of 70's music with DJ Victoryfoxx and a big screen of videos! Life is good, as long as I have some chemical interventions in place.
Repeat that incomplete sentence a few times.
On Friday, I headed up to the Portland International Airport from Corvallis, dragging along my good buddy, Carnivorous Hippy. We went and got Albin! He's here visiting for 2 weeks from Sweden! Up and back, filling up with gas ($59) as we left Corn-Valley, was 1/2-a-tank. Not too bad, for a 6-cylinder Honda Accord.Here's a shot later Friday afternoon in Corvallis High School. My daughter (graduating Malory), son (Colly-Wolly-Gum-Gum), Joe, and Albin (the Swede) were so happy to be reunited after 11 months apart! Albin was our exchange student from Sweden last year. We absolutely LOVE him and are so happy that Malory will be visiting him in Sweden in less than a month!
Then, headed up again on Saturday, this time with my Handsome Husband. We swung through McMinnville to pick up my mom, who was on her way to OKC to spend time with my SAB (Stupid-Ass-Brother). Took her in, got her all settled, ate some lunch at Panda Express, and said our good-byes. Hubby and I then headed to IKEA to pick up some much-needed junk (including 4 brand-new flat sheets...it's a long story involving ghosts), then into downtown for some meandering and shopping. Oh, man! I bought some AWESOME junk at a store completely filled with cool Chinese antiques, propaganda materials, and other assorted junk! Hubby is so sweet. He'll go anywhere with me, no whining or complaining!
Then, as per usual, we ended up in a cool bar with my youngest brother, Robb. He's the cool brother, all straightened out and living an excellent life in the heart of Portland. Artwork, sales job, friends, music, writing, and more artwork fill his life, as well as nightly outings for good beer and a few cigarettes. Anyway, as we were sipping our cold Laurelwood Porters, my dad called Robb on his cell phone.
Robb: Howdy, Dad.
Dad: I don't understand. How'd you know it's me?
Robb: Ummm...caller i.d., Dad.
Dad: But I'm calling you from my cell phone. Isn't that an anonymous number?
Robb: Why are you calling me, Dad?
Me: Hi, Mom!
Mom: How'd you know it was me?
Me: Oh, good god!
Anyway, Mom had been sitting in the airplane for 4 hours, not going anywhere! The plane had electrical problems and there were no other flights heading her way until 6:00 a.m. Sunday morning! DAMN!
We paid our bill and all of us, Handsome Husband, Robb, and myself, loaded up into the car for another trip to PDX! Mom was just slightly freaking out, as she isn't much of a traveler and was planning on spending the night at the airport, despite the fact that United was offering her a room in a nearby hotel. We met her outside the Departures area (she said, "How will you know how to find me?" on her cell phone............ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!! Get it?)
We drove her all over, after getting bad directions from the folks at the nearby Embassy Suites, an finally found Country Inn Suites. Guess what? There was a BAR downstairs. So, we got her settled in her room and the 4 of us headed down for some Widmer Hefeweizens and onion rings. I then drove Robb back into NW downtown Portland to his apartment, and filled up with gas. Ready for this? $61.00.
I set the cruise control at 76 as we hit I-5. Leaned back and chatted with Handsome Husband, listening to Led Zepplin's "Latter Days," making bets about exactly what time we'd be home. It was 8:41 as we entered the freeway. It was 9:54 when we pulled into the driveway. Yep...1 hour and 13 minutes from Portland to Corvallis....no cops, no brake lights, just a rockin' drive home. When we got out of the car, I noticed that there was 1/2-a-tank in the car. So, according to my calculations, that's approximately $90 worth of fuel.
Man, my rear-end is sore...
I woke up thinking about Beautiful Daughter. This is her last week of high school. I'm excited and absolutely scared to death.
My intention is to have the SMOOTHEST week of our entire lives, but I know that isn't something one can really plan on. I just know I'll have to watch my P's and Q's and let things just "drift by" peacefully.
This is a very busy week, as all of you who have gone through this know. Ceremonies, visiting family, dinners, parties, and the actual last day of classes...AND...on top of it all I'll be making a run to PDX on Friday morning to pick up Albin, the Swedish-Wonder-Boy. He'll be here for about 2 1/2 weeks, so that's just one more thing on the list.
The garden is supposed to be a soothing place for work and focus, but I've just created messes everywhere today, beginning one project and starting another before I'm done. I broke a large cement base to one of my largest pots, which doesn't really upset me in itself, but with this aching chest...well, you know.
Hubby spoke sharply with me today, which was good. He reminded me to not "talk to him like dirt" when he asked questions. I guess I do that when I'm in my anxious zone, so I was glad he broke the wall down. However, there's a big part of me that's wishing I had some nice little narcotic to knock me out until it's time to get ready for work tomorrow.
One good thing...I'll be riding my bike to work on Monday and Tuesday! I fixed it all up for the adventure yesterday, lubing the chain, pumping up the tires, adjusting the seat and handlebars, and shining it all up with Windex! I bought this mountain bike in 1994 and it's still running strong!
OK, enough chit-chat...get dinner going and move on...